writer's blog

Things I'd much rather be writing about today...

2008-02-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

One of the problems I’ve had about writing for a living is that I never feel like writing as a hobby anymore. In fact, sitting in front of my computer is probably the last place I want to be when I’m not working. But today, I was thinking about something because of a story I read last night, and I decided to sit down and capture my thoughts before they fade away. Here they are.

What I’d RATHER write about today versus what I HAVE to write about

In the Feb. 11 ’08 issue of the New Yorker there’s a story about a Polish guy who wrote a novel about a murder, and then they found out he actually committed a murder. It was a fascinating story for a lot of reasons and I couldn't get out of my mind. Plus, it brought up so many issues I’d like to write about:

1) Why do so many people today think that killing someone is the solution? What makes them think that’s ok? At what point to do they say to themselves, “I know, we’ll kill him!” I would NEVER in a million YEARS think that. Well, wait, that’s not true. I did have a couple of times when I was dealing with my ex-husband that I WANTED to kill him, but it was more a spur-of-the moment reaction to something he did. I would never in a calm moment have said, “Let’s kill him.”

2) What kind of person is it who thinks that way? Examples: woman in Allegan who, along with her current husband, sister- and brother-in-law, killed her ex-husband, leaving many children’s lives shattered as well (his, hers, theirs, etc.) Why didn’t someone in that group, parents all, say, “What if we get caught?” or, “What about the kids?” These were “normal” people! What made them think they could 1) do it, and 2) get away with it? It’s insane.

3) Another example: The woman in Rockford who was having long-distance (internet) affair with a guy. They corresponded for awhile. Then she flew to California, where they had sex a couple of times. She flew back home, and put up a notice on Craig’s List or somewhere saying, “Freelance person need to eradicate a problem…” or some such similar thing. But basically what she was doing was advertising for a hired killer to do away with her new boyfriend’s wife! On the WEB! Is she insane?? And she has a husband and two teenagers! What the HELL are these people thinking???

4) Anyway, that story in the NYer reminded me of how I’d love to dig into this whole topic of murder and find out what the deal is: Why do so many people today think killing is the solution? It also reminds me how I’ve always wanted to write a thing about the 10 commandments. I mean, shouldn’t “Thou Shalt Not Kill” be a universally understood and accepted concept? Maybe we just all need some new rules to live by; a universal list we can all agree on: No killing. No having sex with children, especially your own. No cheating. No lying. What else? It reminds me, too, that killing is becoming so commonplace, it’s becoming accepted. Some recent headlines in the newspaper: guy killing the kids at Northern Illinois University this week. A few weeks ago, a guy killed a bunch of workers at a Lane Bryant store near Chicago. (My friend Jane and her husband and son were actually in a Target store in that mall the week before the shootings. Then there are the constant suicide bombing report from the Middle East. I mean, what the hell? We read about people blowing themselves and others up every day. We’ve become so immune to it.

So, those are just a few of things I’d explore if only I had the time.

Can I create a link to my GR Symphony story?

2007-05-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

Just trying something here...re: story on GR Symphony Orchestra mentioned in 4/27 post (about joining the Peace Corp)...here's a link to how that story ended up after the rotten miserable day I had when I started it:

http://www.rapidgrowthmedia.com/features/grso5107.aspx

Did this actually create a link to that story?

How can I call myself a writer when I spend so little time writing?

2007-05-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

One of the fascinating things about my job is how little time I actually spend writing. Like for instance, right now I’m working on a case study for one of my clients (a global office furniture manufacturer). But before I begin writing even one word of the case study itself, I already have more than 8 hours logged into the job: e-mailing and corresponding with people, setting up interviews, sending them questions, doing the interviews (5 in all), transcribing the notes, etc. etc. It’ll probably only take me 2-3 hours to write the damn thing (600-800 words) but all that upfront stuff takes up 80% of the job! Amazing.

Some days I think I’ll just join the Peace Corp

2007-04-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days where I swear I’m going to join the Peace Corp. Everything has gone wrong: I started work early this morning (6:30 a.m.) because I had a lunch date with my friend, Clare, and our former client, Tonya. I was really looking forward to it and wanted to get everything done before I left.

Things were moving along nicely, and I was in the middle of a story about the Grand Rapids Symphony Orchestra when my keyboard locked up.

This has happened to me before: If you hold the “Shift” key down for more than 8 seconds, a box pops up that asks you something about a Filter Key: “Do you want to [ ] Cancel [ ] Continue, or [ ] Frickin’ Abort” or something, I don’t know. Anyway, I hit the wrong answer and the next thing I know the cursor won’t move and the keyboard is totally locked up; it only beeped at me when I tried.

I thought, Oh, CHRIST! MUST I deal with THIS right now?? I tried doing what I normally do: Shut everything down, turn off the computer, start it up again, and hope like hell it works.

It didn’t.

I called my husband from upstairs. “Art, can you please come down here a minute?” He tried to fix it by doing that thing where you restore everything to a certain date, but for some reason, that wouldn’t work either.

By 8:30 I was a maniac, screaming into a pillow so the neighbors wouldn’t hear me (“WHY do these things HAPPEN to me…WAAAHHHH!”) and call the police. At 9:00 Art said he’d take the computer in and have Mike, the IT guy at his office, fix it.

So we unplugged everything (another pain), and Art took the computer upstairs and put it by the back door.

In the meantime, I remembered I had a job to turn in. So while he was in the shower, I went upstairs, brought the CPU back down, replugged everything back in and sent the job off. (Another problem—since I couldn’t type, I couldn’t key in the person’s name or write a message. So had to send it to someone else in her office as a Reply to an old email, then call her and explain the whole thing!!!)

Anyway, I did that, then unplugged it all again, brought it back upstairs, then brought Art’s laptop downstairs to use for the day. I got it set up with my email system (more hassles) and did some writing with the files I had available to me.

At 11:00 Art called to say Mike had fixed my computer. But by then, I had cancelled my lunch (I was in no mood) and decided to just go pick up the rotten miserable thing and come home and work. On the way there, I turned on NPR and Diane Rehm was interviewing a woman from Holland, Michigan (!) named Deborah Rodriguez who had started a beauty school in Afghanistan and written a book about it (“Kabul Beauty School”).

It was a fantastic story, one that was perfect for me to hear at that particular moment in time because 1) it completely put my problems into proper perspective, and 2) it was a totally enjoyable show! I may have had a computer lock up on me this morning, but at least I am not a young newlywed Afghani woman who has been raped and therefore unable to prove my virginity to my husband and his family who are waiting outside the tent for the bloody rag to appear. (A real situation briefly discussed on the show.)

So hearing that show definitely started to change my frame of mind. But I was still kinda wiped out from the morning’s events. And when I got home at noon I realized I wasn’t in the mood to work, either; I needed to regroup and start the day all over again.

I called my friend Nancy, a peace activist, who met me at Honey Creek. We had lunch and a few laughs and by the time I left for home, I thought I was ok.

But I wasn’t. I got in the car and started crying. It wasn’t just the computer problems, or even the Afghanistan story; I had had some other emotional upheavals this week, too: my son didn’t come home when I thought he was going to and just last night I finished a book called “Lucky Child” by Loung Ung, about how she came to the U.S. at age 10 as a Cambodian refugee after half her family was killed by the Khmer Rouge. Incredibly awful.

So emotionally, I was a little raw; and by the time I got home, I definitely was not ready to pick up where I left off on my symphony story and pretend all was well.

And although I really felt like joining the Peace Corp at that point, I decided to drive down to Grand Haven instead.

April 17, 2007 - Getting ready for Boston

2007-04-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

April 17, 2007

One thing that’s hard about being a freelancer is that nobody pays you to go on vacation. Nope, no two-week vacation package or sick time or “personal days” or anything else like in the real world. And nobody covers you while you’re gone, either.

For example, right now I am busting my ass to get a bunch of jobs done before I leave Thursday for a long weekend with my daughter in Boston. I have at least four stories and god knows what else due before then. Today’s Tuesday. I worked last Saturday till about 2:00, took Sunday off, worked Monday till 8:00, and will probably do the same today and Wednesday.

And in the meantime, a woman I was supposed to interview yesterday stood me up (for the 3rd time) and she just called to reschedule, so I’ve gotta fit that in now, too.

So why am I writing this stupid thing when I should be writing all that other stuff? Because I need a break!

I’m not sure how often everyone else needs a break, but I am SO ready for one. Not just this temporary 5-minute one, but the weekend one. I seem to need take a break from my life about every 2 months. Otherwise, I go insane.

I’m going to try NOT to take any work with me when I go out east, but I’m thinking: Maybe I’ll print out all my blog stuff, see what I’ve got, and try to organize it in some coherent way.

But I haven’t written in my blog in so long I can’t even remember how the hell to get there! Plus, I’m thinking about that whole Virginia thing…my god! What the hell is going on in this world?? I keep thinking about Brenna and John who are teaching…what if somebody walked into their classroom and started firing away? I can’t even think about it. Jesus, this world is SO screwed up.

So I guess that's it for now. I didn't even print this out to edit, so whatever it is, it is.

Life in the Bowling Lane

2007-03-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

Per previous post, here’s my submission for the "FREELANCE SUCCESS STORIES" contest from Writer’s Digest books asking people to tell their stories about when they first realized they were successful freelance writers. (See entry for Jan. 31, 2007 on the outcome – fourth place and a tentative assignment from WD books!)

Life in the bowling lane

I’ve had many exciting milestones in my writing career: Getting my first letter to the editor published in a national magazine (Playboy, Dec. ‘78); winning the annual Writer’s Digest writing contest for a (non-fiction) piece called, “How to Get through a Divorce without Going Crazy”; the Saturday morning phone call I got from the editor of Metropolitan Parent magazine saying she “loved” the three stories I’d sent her; another phone call that came while I was fixing dinner one night from Woman’s Day magazine saying they’d accepted one of my articles; landing my first ad agency job; and probably the biggest thrill of all: the letter I got in March, 1988, from Writer’s Digest telling me they’d accepted my how-to piece on copywriting. (The letter still hangs on my office wall.)

All of those were encouraging and each propelled me forward in some way. But the moment I realized I was a successful freelance writer was a few years ago, one cold winter day while I was standing in the middle of a bowling alley. It was a brisk, sunny Thursday afternoon, and I had driven 50 miles to meet with a woman – Peg something or other – on a writing project for the Brunswick Corporation, the long-time manufacturer of bowling balls and equipment. Somebody had given Peg my name, and she wanted to talk to me about the assignment and what it entailed.

So I met with her, and as she began explaining the project to me, she said, “I’d like you to first talk with a couple of our engineers so you can get a better understanding of this whole thing.”

We walked over to the engineering department, and she introduced me to the two men, who began filling me in on the details. It seems they’d invented a new bowling alley cleaning machine and they needed an instruction manual to go with it. Writing the manual would be my job.

So I’m standing in the middle of this alley listening to the engineers explain how their machine works, and all of a sudden I couldn’t help it, I just started laughing. They kind of looked at me like, what’s going on? I was a little embarrassed, but right away I said, “I’m sorry,” shaking my head, “but I have to stop you before you go any further. Because I can tell you right now, I am not the person for this job.”

A bowling alley cleaning machine manual?? Is that what I wanted to spend the next three months of my life doing? No, it was not. It was way over my head. And that was when I realized I was a successful freelance writer: Because I had finally reached the point where I didn’t have to take this job. I could say, Thanks, but no thanks, this is one is not for me.

As a writer eking out a living in Rockford, Michigan, I’d had many, many years of saying yes to anything and everything that came down the pike: Brochures? Love 'em! Outdoor boards? Bring 'em on! Radio spots? Whoopee!

Around here, that’s what being a freelance writer is all about – writing for businesses and corporations. It’s the only way most of us can make a living. I mean, I’d love to be writing regularly for Condé Nast Traveler, but let’s get real. Breaking into the national magazine market, especially from here, is so hard. Yes, I’ve had a few little successes, but it was never anything that was going to pay the bills.

The local pubs don’t pay anything, either. I had a monthly column in a regional magazine for more than two years, but I don’t think my total earnings ever even hit $100; they just didn’t have the money.

Writing for corporations, however, now that pays – upwards of $65-$75 an hour. And there are all kinds of opportunities around, from web sites to TV spots. Yes, the furniture brochures do get boring, but writing newsletters never does; I always learn something. And interviewing high profile designers, which I do regularly for one client, still gives me a thrill. Traveling around the country (Hawaii, Florida, Idaho, New York) for another, staying in first-class hotels, continues to make me feel fortunate.

So it’s a nice life. But it’s always funny to me to hear people’s reactions when I tell them I’m a freelance writer. They’ll say, “Oh, really? Have you ever been published?” And I’ll say, “Yeah, a lot. Have you ever read any of the statement stuffers from your bank? I probably wrote them!”

I’ve learned that being a successful freelance writer doesn’t necessarily mean a byline in a national pub or a contract for a book. To me, it means being able to make a living doing what you love doing: writing.

And if there’s enough work in little old West Michigan to support me and probably 30 other freelancers around, there are probably opportunities where you live, too.

All I know is, it’s nice to now be in the position where I can pick and choose what I want to do. And who knows? Maybe one of these days, I’ll even have some time left over to try to crack that damn national magazine market.

Freelance success!

2007-01-31T07:09:00.000-08:00

I had very cool thing happen the other day. As I was preparing to interview a Korean person on the phone, I was setting things up with the translator when I glanced at my computer screen and noticed an e-mail come in with the subject line: “Freelance Success.”

“Freelance Success” was the name of a Writer’s Digest contest I had entered a few months back. You were supposed to write a thing on how/when you first realized you were a successful freelance writer. I sent something in that I thought was pretty good, a little different. But I didn’t give it much thought after that. (I’ll post it later.)

Anyway, I see this email come in and I think, Hmm…what is this about? So I take a quick peek as I’m waiting for the two Koreans to finish up talking and I see the following:

Hello Keasha,

I just wanted to let you know that you were the fourth place entry in the contest, which I realize doesn't mean too much outside of knowing that you were the best of the rest. However, I am interested in possibly assigning you a piece on how to build a successful freelance business by writing for businesses and such for the 2009 Writer's Market. I won't make assignments until late-June, but I just wanted to see if you would be interested when that time comes around. If so, I'll go ahead and create a folder for you and contact you with more details when the time is right.

So, just let me know.

Best,

Robert Lee Brewer
EditorWriter's Market
WritersMarket.com

(Also, you might want to try pitching the interim editor of Writer's Digest magazine, Maria Schneider, about writing for corporations and such. Her email is (xxxxx). Be sure to let me know if anything comes of that if you go that route, so we don't duplicate ourselves.)

Well, can you imagine my excitement? Here is Robert Brewer, Editor of Writer’s Market telling me he wants to give me an assignment and I’m sitting here with two Koreans on the other end of the line waiting for an interview to start!

After the interview was over, I re-read the e-mail (about 10 times) and then responded back to Robert away thanking him for the good news and telling him I’d be MORE than happy to take an assignment.

The bad news is that I was right in the middle of a HUGE project when this happened, writing an Annual Report for my absolute best client, in addition to everything else I had in the works. So I was totally buried in jobs, and, of course, this is when I get a recommendation from Robert Brewer that I write to the WD Magazine editor with a pitch!

I HAD to do it (strike while the fire is hot). So I took one morning off to scan a bunch of samples, write a good pitch and a decent e-mail, proof it all to make sure there were no errors (like in the subject line, which said, “Pitch from a former WD contributer…” Thank GOD I caught THAT one.)

And then in the meantime, I checked my Writer’s Market just to make SURE I could send my clips as attachments (some mags won’t accept them) and found out that WD mag DOESN’T accept them. So all the scanning and explaining of my clips was for naught, and I had to re-write the whole damn thing. Plus, I then had to make color copies to send via regular mail – a total pain.

But I got it done. And after all that work getting things ready, I was feeling so happy and proud that I managed to get the pitch into the editor in such a short period of time, when I get the following response:

“Maria Schneider is out of the office until January 15…”

Bummer! But in the meantime, I decided to send Robert Brewer a copy of what I sent Maria just to let him know I’d followed his advice, and again, he wrote back a really nice note (“Good stuff!”). So I’m still feeling pretty positive about the whole thing. Now we’ll just have to wait and see if it goes anywhere….

Working alone is so weird

2007-01-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

Working alone is so weird. For example, today, after I sent off a job I’ve been working on for weeks, I crossed it off my “To Do” list and then wrote, “Yeay, Keash!!!” Well, somebody has to give me a pat on the back once in awhile; it may as well be me.

Working alone can also be dangerous. As I just said in an email to my friend, Ken, a designer who recently started freelancing:

“One hazard of working at home, alone: If you’re eating a piece of leftover steak for lunch and you suddenly choke on it, you have to give yourself the Heimlich maneuver. I actually had to do that yesterday! My first thought: I can't let Art come home and find me dead on the floor—I couldn’t bear to have him tell my children that’s how I died!”

Thank god, the Heimlich worked. Otherwise, I’d be forever remembered like Elvis, you know, people always picturing him sitting on the john trying to you-know-what. Only in my case, they'd picture me gagging in a very unprofessional manner.

Another thing about working alone—when someone knocks on the door, it always freaks me out. I immediately pick up the phone and dial 91, so that I can continue dialing 911 if the person turns out to be a serial killer. At least, that way I can let someone know I’ve been murdered.

See what I mean about working alone? Sometimes it’s just weird as hell.

Rambling on writing

2006-11-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

I just read a book called “Writers [on Writing].” Now wouldn’t you think I’d love a book like that? Well, I didn’t. I couldn’t relate to most of it because a lot of it had to do with fiction and I can’t do fiction, either in reading or in writing.

My own writing is very reality based, practical, unsentimental. It’s mostly founded in the urge I have to tell people about some experience I’ve had within the context of, Here’s something I did/discovered, and here’s what you can learn from this.

One of my favorite articles was one I wrote a long time ago called, “How to be Good Houseguest.” It was totally based on my own experiences as both a guest and as a host. In fact, I turned that into two more articles and sold one of them to Woman’s Day. (But alas, they never published it.)

And after going on many group trips with my friends, I could write a great piece on how to plan/carry off a group vacation. In fact, I tried to sell the idea to Island mag a while back, but no go. It’s now on my list to pursue with Budget Travel.

In my job, I write a lot about health issues – especially weight loss. And I’m always coming across stories that think deserve a wider audience. Like for instance, last spring I interviewed a woman who was about to go in for a stomach staple and at the last minute, decided to try one more time to lose weight on her own – and she did it! She lost 80 pounds and she went from looking like Two-Ton Tillie to Katie Couric. Plus, she inspired her two kids to lose weight, and her 17-year old son ended up getting on the wrestling team as a result.

Well, I think her story would make a great article in a women’s pub — not as a weight loss testimonial, but about what it was like for her to be overweight. She told that story beautifully – about how her little kids couldn’t even hug her b/c she was so big around, etc. etc.

I’ve got that on my giant Things to Do list, too, but I'll probably never get around to it. Although after writing about it just now, I’m sitting here thinking, “Wait a minute, why DON”T I pursue that!??”

It all gets down to time, I guess. If I weren’t so busy writing for other people, I’d have time to go after the things I WANT to write about! But then, nobody pays you for doing that, either. It' s my constant dilemma.

Good job!

2006-11-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

Nothing is more satisfying to me as a writer than to hear these two little words: “Nice job!” Because what I do is hard. Interviewing people, then telling their story in print is a very iffy proposition: What if I missed the mark; what if they hate it; what if something they said was not what they meant?

So I’m always a little nervous when I send off stories, especially personal profiles, for approval – first to the editor, then to the person I’ve interviewed. (For corporate newsletters, anybody who’s quoted gets to see the copy before it’s printed.) And I’m always a tad anxious until I get their responses back. So when I open an e-mail and the first thing I see is, “Great job, Keasha!” I let out a huge sigh of relief.

Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I were at the other end of an interview. If somebody were asking me a bunch of questions about my life or my work, then writing it up for all the world to see (well, a few interested folks anyway), would I be OK with everything they’ve said?

One time, I wrote a Home & Garden story for the Grand Rapids Press about my sister-in-law, an artist, who uses fabric in creative ways all through her house. In fact, her living room drapes are made from a beautiful antique bedspread that was her great aunt’s. Well, after the story appeared, somebody made a crack to my brother about how cheap he must be if his wife has to use leftover bedspreads to cover their windows! (Actually, he is cheap, but did they have to use my story to tell him that?)

Anyway, this week I got an e-mail from one of my editors on a story I’d re-written at his request using a different angle. His response to my revision was, “You rock, Keasha!” He’s young, so I guess this is his way of saying “Nice job” exuberantly. I don’t care how he says it, the bottom line was he was happy with it.

Because that’s what it’s all about: making people happy with my work so they hire me to do more. It’s like any product or service: If they like it, they’ll keep coming back.

Things you think about decades later

2006-10-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

For about three years, between, 1996 and 1999, I did a ton of writing for the Grand Rapids Press Sunday Home & Garden section. They were BIG cover stories (1500 words, plus sidebars) with lots of beautiful photos (here’s a sample), so it was a good gig, although the pay was miserable – $150 max, for 10-12 hours worth of work.

But it was fun to be part of that H&G team, plus, I got to see some fabulous houses. And I have to admit it was also a thrill to see my byline on those Sunday mornings when I’d rush to the mailbox and open up the paper.
(My excitement was really mostly about the photos; I didn’t view them ahead of time and couldn’t wait to see how they looked.)

In fact, I have a ton of clips from that period because on Monday mornings, I’d go up the street to the gas station and plow through their refuse bins in the back pulling out the newspapers they didn’t sell!

Anyway, yesterday I was cleaning out some of my old files and when came across all those GRP stories, I started laughing because I forgot how often I had to use my friends/relatives back then: my mom (on table settings for holidays) my niece (where to find great starter homes) my friend Scott (cool pole barns), etc. There are only so many people who are willing to open their homes and gardens and share them with the entire city of Grand Rapids, so it was hard to come up with ideas/resources month after month.

As I glanced through the stories, I was also struck by my openings. Most of them still sounded pretty dang good, but I did find a couple that made me wince. One didn’t even make any sense: “Did you ever wish that you had a secret garden, but don’t?” What the hell did that mean? And how did it ever get past the editor!

Another one which didn’t get past the editor was an opening he changed slightly. I remembered it because I didn’t like it, and I didn’t see it until it appeared in the paper. (I don’t know if the editors were lazy or if I was that good, but I had very few copy edits in my stories.) Anyway, this one irritated me a little because I thought my original opening was better. It was for a story called “Off the Wall” about ways you could add texture to plain walls.

Mine: “If your walls could talk, they’d probably say, ‘Hey, I’m sick of this flat look. Can’t you come up with something other than another coat of Navaho White to spruce me up?’”

His: “If your walls could talk, they might say they’re sick of the flat look and want something other than another coat of Navaho White.”

Now don’t you think it sounds better to use a direct quote rather than an indirect one? Me, too.
Ahh, such is the life of a lowly freelance writer.

Being the writer in the group

2006-10-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

Lately, I find myself spending far too much time editing my e-mails before I send them out. I’m talking about basic, everyday e-mails that are just replies or to ask somebody something. No big deal. I’ll read it, re-read it, think about it, change something, think again, and finally say to myself, “Jesus Christ, Keash, it’s just an e-mail! Hit SEND for God’s sake!”

But that’s kind of a recurring theme with me: I get hung up about writing in my normal everyday life. It’s like when somebody asks me to sign a guestbook, or write a note in a goodbye card. I feel like they expect it to be GREAT because I’m a writer.

It’s a stupid hang up, I know. In fact, it happened again last month when we were at our friends’ cabin up north. Somebody said, “Oh, we have to write in the guestbook,” which we do every year to kind of capture our weekends up there. Everyone usually says, “Give it to Keash, she’s the writer…” but I hate being the guestbook writer. Whenever I pick up the pen, I feel this huge pressure to write something clever or funny or pithy. And sometimes I just feel like writing, “Had a great time, thanks guys!”

Anyway, this year I deferred it to someone else and Art, knowing how I feel, said, to me, “Just write it, don’t even think about that stuff!” And he’s right! I’m the one who’s giving myself the pressure—they don’t care! They just want somebody to put in an entry in the guestbook for posterity. It’s not like I’m competing in a Writer’s Digest contest or something!

So I guess what I’m realizing is, I don’t always have to be “on” as a writer. However, I really would like it if somebody else wrote those guestbook entries.

My constant struggle

2006-10-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

When I was slow a few weeks ago, I went out and bought Writer’s Market and signed up for Writer’s Digest magazine, thinking, I have to start pursuing this magazine thing or it will never happen.

I also began reading a book I bought some time ago on breaking into the magazine market. That helped me craft some query letters, which I dutifully sent out (more about that later).

In the meantime, I got a call from one of my long-time clients asking me if I could step in and help out on their newsletter for the next three months; it seems the editor got canned. I jumped at it and am now in the midst of putting together my first issue. Plus, I got a bunch of other jobs. So I’m back at it full time again.

In the meantime, my Writer’s Market sits on my pool table, my WD emails get put into to a folder without having been read, and I haven’t written one rotten, miserable query letter. It’s like I said to Brenna, “After sitting at the computer writing all day, that’s the last thing I want to be doing in my spare time…”

And therein lies my problem: I WANT to break into the magazine market, but I never have time to really pursue it because I’m too busy making a living writing!

I usually end up saying to myself, “Yes, but at least you’ve had a nice career…” And that’s true, but what I REALLY want to do is write for magazines. I guess I have to start looking at it like anyone who starts a business on the side: You just have to make the time to do it and DO it.

Anyway, that’s where I am today, Oct. 5, 2006

It's all Chinese to me.

2006-09-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

One of the companies I do work for owns a manufacturing plant in China. I often get press releases or stories from their Chinese Corporate Communications person, and although they’re written in English, they still need a lot of smoothing out to become more readable, especially to the American audiences.

It’s a job I love. Here’s an example of one story I worked on today; what she sent me is first, followed by what I did with it. (For privacy, I’m calling the company ABC)

Her version:

ABC company honored with “China Quality Tetrapod”

Further Enhanced ABC’s Business Integrity and Quality Authority

Early 2006, ABC, along with other 9 well-known enterprises, was granted “China Quality Tetrapod” for its outstanding quality management. This reward will further enhance the business integrity and quality authority of the company. In July, the 2.1-meter-high bronze tetrapod was open to visitors in the manufacturing plant in Guangzhou, China.

Ever since entering China marketplace, ABC has taken quality management as one of our top priorities. Up to now ABC has obtained a number of certifications, such as the ISO 9001:2000, ISO 14001:1996, GMP and HACCP. In addition, ABC QA Lab has obtained the accreditation authorized by China National Accreditation Board for Laboratories (CNAL). ABC is the only DS company to win this authorization.

About “China Quality Tetrapod”

Since 2004, China Association for Quality started up the campaign of awarding China Quality Tetrapod. The purpose of this campaign is to commend enterprises with outstanding performance in quality management, spread their advanced corporate cultures, as well as establish the idea of Quality is the Lifeline of a Company. Each year, hundreds of enterprises from all industries run for this award. An independent and candid auditing will decide who would be the final winners.

Tetrapod (or “Ding” in Chinese language), a bronze vessel with a long history going back to Shang Dynasty (1,066 BC), gradually evolved to be recognized as the symbol of authoritativeness, trustworthiness and auspice in ancient China.

My version:

ABC honored with prestigious quality award

Earlier this year ABC was one of only 10 companies in their country to be honored with the prestigious China Quality Tetrapod award, which recognizes an organization’s outstanding performance in quality management.

The tetrapod (or “ding” in Chinese) is a four-footed bronze vessel with a long history going all the way back to the Shang Dynasty (1066 BC). Over the centuries the tetrapod has become a symbol of authoritativeness, trustworthiness, and integrity to the Chinese people.

Hundreds of competitors
In 2004, the China Association for Quality, an organization that encourages and promotes high quality standards for Chinese companies, began using this time-honored icon for its national award program. Each year, hundreds of corporations from all types of industries compete for the China Quality Tetrapod award; an independent auditing team determines who will be the final winners.

ABC’s prize, a 2.1-meter-high bronze vessel, has been put on display at their Guangzhou manufacturing plant for all visitors to see.

Quality first
“Receiving the China Quality Tetrapod is a great honor for us and will surely enhance our reputation for quality and integrity,” says Sue Smith, Corporate Communications Director for ABC. “We strongly support the China Association for Quality’s belief that quality is the lifeline of a company, and it has been one of our top priorities since we first entered the marketplace.”

In addition to the Tetrapod award, ABC has achieved a significant number of important certifications, including ISO 9001:2000, ISO 14001:1996, Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP) and HACCP (Q: what does this stand for?).

The ABC Quality Assurance (QA) Lab has also obtained accreditation from the China National Accreditation Board for Laboratories (CNAL). It is the only direct sales company in the country to have achieved this distinction.

* * * *

Of course, my editor hasn’t seen my version yet, but he’s usually pretty happy with what I do on these, so hopefully, this will fly without too much trouble.

Time spent: 1.5 hours

Tenacity

2006-08-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it takes so much tenacity to do my job. For example, today, Friday, August 11, 11:20 a.m., I’m staring at a gorgeous blue sky, a heavenly breeze, and white caps on the lake. Plus, my friends are arriving later for a pontoon ride. So I want to be done with work.

But I have this damn newsletter to finish. I’ve been working on it all week: culling down a 2000-word interview into a one-page Q/A; organizing tons of rambling notes into coherent articles; calling people back for more info, e-mailing my client on status, etc. etc. etc. I’m SICK of it!

Actually, I could finish that up tomorrow, but I also have to post an online story by 3:00 today and I still haven’t received the graphic that goes with it. So do I post the story now, then come back later and add the graphic, or wait till I get the graphic and do it all at once? I’d like to do it all at once now so I could be done with everything and get the hell out of here, but I can't do that because I don't have the rotten miserable graphic.

Anyway, it’s taking a lot not to leave this basement and go upstairs. In fact, I just went out and cut the grass (using a worthy rationalization) but now I’m back in front of my computer.

Oh well, at least I’m not stuck in an office on the E. Beltline with no view at all, unable to leave until 5:00. That thought alone may get me through at least another hour. Then again, maybe not.

In response to Anonymous...

2006-07-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

Art versus work…ahhh, the debate continues!

Thank you for your kinds words, B&J, but actually, Anon’s comments didn’t make me feel that bad b/c really, what I’m trying to do is write a how-to book for people who want to earn a living writing. So in a way, s/he told me I was on the right track.

The reason I started my blog was to gather everything I’ve written on the subject to see what I have for potential “chapters” and what still needs to be explored. I haven’t even touched on all the different kinds of writing jobs out there or how to find work. But I can’t put everything on my blog, or who would buy my book??

KP

On to other things...

2006-07-07T06:25:00.000-07:00

My blog has served its purpose and I'm now on to other things. I'll keep posting just to keep it going for future reference, but my whole deal was to organize my writing on writing, which I've done.

How to tell if you'd like to be a copywriter Part 4 - The Invoice

2006-06-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

I’ve been a bit of a slacker on my postings and will explain why later, but to finish up Part 3 of “How to Tell if You’d Like to be a Copywriter,” I billed the client $112.50 for the party invite job, which is 1.5 hours @ $75/hr. Normally I charge $65/hr but just recently started a “rush” job rate, which I should have put into place years ago.

Even that amount is still very cheap. What I should really do is get away from the whole hourly thing in certain situations and just charge by the job. I always remember a story about a photographer who charged $500 to a client for a picture he took. The client said, “How can you charge that much when it only took you 15 minutes?” And the guy answered, “Yeah, but it’s my 25 years of experience that allows me do it 15 minutes.”

In other words, he’s getting paid what he’s worth.

Anyway, that gives you an idea of how the billing thing works. Here’s what it looks like on the invoice:

Project Services Hours Rate Amount Total Due

Party invitation Copy 1.5 $75/hr $112.50 $112.50

Figuring out how much to charge, keeping track of your hours, billing clients, filing your invoices, etc. is all part of being a copywriter. It’s the business side and it’s something I really enjoy. While I can’t say I like adding up the hours (it’s a total pain) I sure love sending out those invoices every month, knowing that the checks will start rolling in about a week after I do.

How to tell if you'd like to be a copywriter: Part 3

2006-06-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

OK, so here's what I sent my client for her party invite. (See Part 1-2. Note: it's hard to see the photo in the visual, but it's an old man walking into a building.)

Sent to client as attachment to email:

Party Invite Ideas

My first thought: de-emphasize the Waste Challenge, which they may not even get/remember, and play up the Mill Trash Art, which sounds fun and inviting!

Idea #1

(Note: I love this one—it’s like he’s muttering this…and then it leads into the event)

Front: “They call it art.”

Back:

Please join us for a festive evening of food, music, refreshments

&

“Mill Trash Art”

A special exhibit of fiber creations by Michigan artists using textile mill waste
Inspired by Convergence 2006 "The Waste Challenge"

Wednesday, June 28, 2006
6 p.m. to midnight

Music arranged by Jauad Lughod
(Q: is this important?)

(client name/address, etc)

***************************************************************************************

Idea #2:
Front: Walk this way.

Back:

Idea #3:

Front: No time to waste.

Back: Please join us for a festive evening of food, music, refreshments

&

A special exhibit inspired by Convergence 2006
"The Waste Challenge"
Fiber creations by Michigan artists using textile mill waste

Wednesday, June 28, 2006
6 p.m. to midnight

Music arranged by Jauad Lughod
(Q: is this important?)
(client name/address)

*************************************************************************************

Other “waste challenge” lines for front (in case something catches your eye here)

What a waste.

Waste not. Want not.

It’s a challenge.
It’s a party.

Life’s a challenge.
Let’s party.

Face the challenge

It’s a challenge.
It’s an art.
It’s a party.

Come to the party and get wasted…
JUST KIDDING.

*************************************************************************

So that's what I sent her. She ended up agreeing the first one was best and went with that. I thought I'd have a copy of the finished piece to show you, but I guess I'm not on her mailing list! I'll get it eventually and post it.

Anyway, this is what writing copy is all about: They have a message they need to get out; you need to figure out how to do it.

How to tell if you’d like to be a copywriter

2006-05-31T05:10:00.000-07:00

Part 1: A lesson in copywriting
Part 2: Quiz/assignment

The other day I had a fun job which I really enjoyed working on. So I decided to use it as an example, and also as a lesson, in copywriting.

The job was to help finish up an invitation that one of my clients had created for a party they were throwing for their clients, colleagues, friends, etc. (They’re a design studio.) So I got the email below along with the invite as it stood – the front and back of a postcard (above, minus their name/address which I deleted for privacy.) Note: the photo was taken by my client's dad years ago and they'd used it in some other pieces.

Here’s the email/assignment I received:

Hello Keasha;

I am so hoping that you may have a little time this week? My goal is to get the graphic artist to work on this over the weekend. So, sorry for the last minute...Help? I understand if you do not have time, then maybe Monday? Let me know. (thanks so much)

The attachment is a PDF of our first draft on our party invite. We have definite changes to make, especially on the black and white side, the side with the words. Below are new words from Clare. My goal and our thought of pulling you in, is to try and bridge the images of the front of the card with the "Waste Challenge" display. On the back of the card, instead of the mandala pattern that surrounds the Z logo, we are going to put a photograph of one of the Waste Challenge art pieces that is circular in character, "Chandelier by Rod Klingelhofer".

WORDS (as they stand right now...until you get done with them:-)

Please join us for a festive evening of music, food, refreshments
and a special exhibit inspired by Convergence 2006
"The Waste Challenge"
Fiber creations made from textile mill waste
by Michigan artists

Wednesday, June 28, 2006
6 p.m. to midnight

Music arranged by Jauad Lughod

(Their name/address was here)

The QUIZ & the ASSIGNMENT

Now, here’s a quiz/assignment you can take/do to help you determine if you want to be a copywriter.

Quiz:

What exactly is the assignment here?

Where do you start?

What is absolutely necessary to include?

What’s is your message? What do you want your audience to do?

What impression do you want to make?

If you think this looks fun/challenging, you might like to be a copywriter – because writing ads is very similar. And often the time frame is just about as short.

Assignment:

Play around with this for an hour or so and see what you come up with.

If you think that was fun, you should definitely consider being a copywriter.

Coming soon:

Part 3: What I came up with
Part 4: The hours/invoice

2006-05-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

I received the following comment re: my last posting and a line I had written:

"I believe Ivan himself was an absolut genius...." (the line in my post)

There's that proofreading issue again. (the commenter's comment--which was a reference to a previous post)

I just have to tell the commenter, it wasn't a typo--it was a play on the line above re: the Absolut vodka ads! Just had to defend myself on that one...

Why I Like Interviewing People

2006-05-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I love interviewing people is that I learn so much from them. For example, last week I talked with a research scientist who specializes in skin care, and her whole spiel was about how much damage the sun does to us and why it’s so important to cover up – skin cancer, wrinkles, etc. etc. It actually made me increase my use of SPF-15. Who knows, maybe that interview even saved my life!

Because I’ve interviewed so many designers over the years (mostly for furniture clients), I’m much more aware of design’s impact on normal everyday items. Like our coffee bean grinder. It is the most poorly designed item in our entire home. Every time I use it, I say, “What the hell was the designer thinking of when he/she did this?” as I watch coffee grounds fly all over the kitchen counter.

But I think the interviews that have moved me the most are the ones I’ve done for Goodwill Industries of Grand Rapids. I wrote their newsletter for five years, and in that time, I met with deaf and blind people (or, the seeing and hearing challenged), former convicts and drug addicts, people with mental illnesses, poor people, a guy with autism/Asperger’s Syndrome, and on and on.

It was all fascinating because in almost every case, it opened a door to a life I knew nothing about. It made me appreciate what I have and where I come from, and to admire all the people out there who are trying so hard to better themselves in this cold, cruel world – not to mention the folks at Goodwill who are dedicated to helping them do it.

One of the most interesting people I ever interviewed for Goodwill was a guy named Ivan Jenson. Ivan’s story was amazing. In fact, here was my opening paragraph:

“Ivan Jenson created his first award-winning sculpture at age 9, wrote a novel at 14, started a band at 16, drew caricatures of Malcomb Forbes’ friends aboard the billionaire’s yacht in the ‘80s, rubbed shoulders with Andy Warhol, and contributed an “Absolut Jenson” painting for the internationally known Absolut Vodka ad campaign.…”

I believe Ivan himself was an Absolut genius. (Check out his website at http://www.ivanjenson.com/ for more.) I remember being so frustrated at the time because I couldn’t tell his whole story; I only had so much space in the newsletter, and it had to focus on how Goodwill helped him. My biggest question was how the hell did this guy who grew up in California and worked as an artist in NYC for 20 years, ever end up at Goodwill in the first place??

The short-short story is that his sister, herself a former child prodigy violinist (the family was full of geniuses!) married the head of the G. R. Symphony, and Ivan’s mother had moved here to be with her. Ivan had a bit of a soul-searching meltdown in NYC, and came to his mom’s to get back on track. As he humbly said about going to Goodwill, “I was in the same boat as a lot people who come to Goodwill; I hand never had a ‘real’ job in my life.”

Anyway, Goodwill did help him get back in a good groove, and the last I heard he was talking with a new agent in Florida, so I think all turned out well with Ivan…

I guess the point of this is that interviewing people has become one of the most rewarding parts of my job. Writers, I think, by and large, are curious people. And this definitely satisfies some inner need I have to learn about stuff. It keeps life interesting, and, perhaps best of all, gives me lots of things to talk about over a glasso’ wine with my friends.

A very bad day.

2006-05-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I’ve done it again. Another typo. I swear they’re gonna be my downfall. It’s amazing how much damage a little thing like that can do. This one was really bad: the brand name in the headline of a story that was posted online. Can you imagine our client’s reaction to that one? Not to mention my editor’s. Here’s what he had to say in an email to me, which I received first thing in the a.m. (names blocked out for obvious reasons):

“Keasha,
Thank you again for posting the story on R&D last night. It is very well researched and, likewise, written...
...save one TINY little detail: "XXX” was misspelled as "XXIX" in the headline.
Ouch.
Granted, it's just as much my fault for not closely examining the headline, so as your editor I am more so to blame than you. In the future, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be more careful. I have complete trust in you to manage this process, so I don't feel the need to floss your posts as much as some of your colleagues.
Needless to say, this typo caught some attention as you can imagine.Otherwise, you are a valued member of this team, and I look forward to yournext submissions….
Regards,”

He also copied me on the email he wrote our client:

“Please accept my sincerest apology for allowing that typo to occur in the first place. A brand name typo in a headline is absolutely inexcusable.

While I have addressed this with Keasha, as her editor I must accept full responsibility for the error. Though I still retain complete faith in her abilities, I will more closely monitor all posts made by the writers directly into XX from now on. Henceforth, if this or another mistake of this stature rears its ugly head again, I will recommend changes to our internal process, if and when this becomes necessary.That said, Keasha has proven herself time and time again as a valued contribution to our team. Of course, she is wholeheartedly sorry. I chalk this up as rare, steak tartar rare. Please know that I have nothing but absolute faith in her work and our XXX would not be the same without her.Please let me know if you wish to discuss this any further at your convenience. Once again, I myself am nothing but sorry for this, and I pray this has not caused your department any undue pressure…”

Needless to say, I’ve been in a bit of a funk the last two days. I just don’t know what’s going on with me lately. Well, actually, I do know some things that probably enter in to it, but really, there is no excuse for making a mistake like that at this stage of my game. I just need to slow down and be more careful. It all boils down to that.

So hard.

2006-05-02T04:44:00.000-07:00

Last week when I had a brief slow period, I decided to send a query in to a new national magazine called Cottage Living. I really love it and I figure I’ve lived in cottages all my life, so it’s perfect match.

But it’s always a pain to pitch national mags because it’s so time-consuming: I have to 1) think about and write up the proposed ideas (3), 2) go through all my samples to figure out which ones are best for this particular query, 3) drive into town to get color copies made, 4) get everything together, and 5) go to the post office and mail it all in. (It’s also expensive – color copies and mail came to almost $20. As soon as I recover from paying my taxes, I’m going to purchase a scanner, which will eliminate a lot of this.)

And to what end? Most likely a rejection letter. But you never know, and that’s why I every once in awhile I try, especially when I run across a pub, like this one, that really appeals to me.

I have had some luck with national magazines – I once sold a 2-part article to Writer’s Digest on how to be a copywriter, and I also sold a piece to Woman’s Day on how to be a good houseguest over the holidays – recycled from an article I’d written years ago for Metropolitan Parent. (Although I got paid $250 for that one, they never actually ran it; knowing what I do about magazines, it probably got stuck in a “filler” file somewhere and that was the end of it.)

There were a couple of other close sales, but I was too inexperienced and naïve to know that with a little push I might have broken through, so I let them go…

Breaking into the national market is really hard. It takes time and perseverance, neither of which I have. But in June, I’m taking a week off and, in fact, am going out to our family cottage in Grand Haven to zero in on all the ideas I’ve had in the last year and just send out a bunch of queries to see what happens. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky. I really want to kick my writing up a notch, and it will never happen unless I make it a goal and take the steps necessary to get there.

So, we’ll see.

Art of the Interview Part II: The Interview Itself

2006-04-25T03:51:00.000-07:00

One thing I forgot to mention in Part I is to schedule your interview on a Thursday or Friday. People are not as rushed then as they are the first of the week and tend to be more talkative/relaxed.

Use a tape recorder and don't make a big deal about it. When you bring out your tape recorder (or tell them on the phone that you'll be recording the conversation), do it in a casual, business-as-usual kind of way so they don't freak out. I always say, "It's just so I don't have to take notes and can concentrate on what you're saying," which is true and why you should use one. (Note: People aren’t as nervous about tape recorders today as they were right after Richard Nixon was President. He gave tape recorders a very bad rap.)

Whether on the phone or in person, it's a good idea to start with something spontaneous/easy/conversational, just to get them relaxed, like: "So, before we get started, tell me, where did you grow up?" Or "I have to ask how you ever got such an unusual first name…"

Keep your intro short. After a brief set up per above, get right to it. People are busy; they don't have time for a lot of chit-chat.

Have your questions in front of you, and ask them in the same order as those you've e-mailed them ahead of time. This makes it easier for the person and helps with organization later. You can ask anything else you've thought of after you've gone through your list.

Stay in control of the interview. Although a little straying can be OK (and can often yield surprising rewards), it's important that you get everything you need within the allotted time. So if they start going off on too many tangents, gently steer them back on course.

Let them do the talking. Remember, you’re not at a party, so this isn’t about having a good conversion, it’s about getting information. If in the middle of your interview, you respond to something they've said like, "Oh, you went to Notre Dame? My brother graduated from Notre Dame!" it can change the whole tone and get you totally sidetracked.

At the end be sure to ask them if there's anything you haven't covered that they might want mentioned. I usually say something like, "Is there anything else that might be important for our readers to know?"

Re: Follow up

Stay in organized mode. If you realize you've forgotten to ask something, wait until you transcribe your tape before calling the person back. That way, if you have more questions or need further clarification on a point, you won't need to call him/her back a second time.

I supposed I should do a whole thing on the next step -- turning your notes into a story -- but that would take far more energy than I have today, so perhaps another time.

The Art of the Interview: Part I

2006-04-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

I have to do a lot of phone interviews in my work, and if you’re going to be any kind of writer (even a novelist), you probably will, too. So I thought I’d share some of my interviewing tips with you -- in two parts, 1) Preparation and 2) the Interview itself. Here’s Part I:

Re: Prep Work

Be prepared. I cannot stress this enough. Have your questions in front of you and your tape recorder handy, even if you're just calling to schedule the interview. I learned this the hard way when I finally reached a busy designer to arrange a time to talk, and he said, "I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow, but I have a half hour right now I could give you…"

Don't worry about being a pest. You will probably have to call a few times before you actually reach the person to schedule the interview, but that’s just part of the job. Contrary to your feelings, you won't be perceived as a stalker. In fact, most people will appreciate your tenacity.

Ask for backup. When you do reach the person, ask if there’s any online or previously published background info s/he could send you ahead of time.

Do your homework. Carefully go through your background material making notes on questions to ask, good points to make, etc.

Listen to yourself on tape before you call the person. I have a little note posted on my phone that says "Yore, Fore, Shoor," because when I first heard myself as I was transcribing an interview tape, I noticed how AWFUL my diction sounded! The words "Yer, fer, shur" jumped out and screamed in my ear. Seeing my note reminds me to speak clearly and distinctly

Listen to Terry Gross (“Fresh Air”) on NPR. I used to think Terry Gross was a terrible interviewer because she never reacted to things people would say. I remember once when she was interviewing Paul McCartney, he sang a little bit of a really beautiful song. Instead of reacting to the song, Terry went right into her next question. Well, now I understand it: she only has so much time and needs to get a lot of questions in. (Side note: I just finished her book, “All I Did Was Ask,” and it was great!)

Re: Your Questions

Never ask a question that can be answered with a "yes" or a "no." This one is so basic I almost hate to include it, but it's so important, I have to. Example: "Why do you think humor is so important to having good mental attitude?" vs. "Do you think humor is important to having good mental attitude?"

Use superlatives/extremes. When asking questions, go for extremes, using terms like most, best, worst, hardest, least favorite: "What's the most rewarding aspect of your job?" Or "What is the best piece of advice you ever received?" This gets them thinking in the right direction.

Ask for their opinion on things, such as, "What do you think is the reason for such and such?" or "From your perspective, what's the most important feature of this new program?"

Include some out of the ordinary questions, something they may never have been asked before such as, “How do you think this ever became a law in the first place?”

E-mail the questions ahead of time. And give them the option of e-mailing back the answers. You may get most of what you need that way, depending how well they do, or at least it will give you a good start.

Write down the scheduled interview time in your calendar, and don’t be a minute late when you call them.

Next week: The interview itself.

Writing as a hobby

2006-04-09T05:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know I offended some people with my quitcherbellyachin’ piece.

My point was really, if you want to earn a living as a writer, there are lots of ways to do it.
I didn’t mean to imply that writing that you don’t get paid for isn’t real writing. Ohmygod, I would never think that.

I encourage everyone to write. It’s not only a great creative outlet, it’s cathartic; it helps you understand yourself, organize your thoughts, and rid yourself of pent up stress. It’s good for the mind, and it’s good for the soul. It’s as creatively satisfying as painting, sculpting or any other kind of art. The only difference is you can’t sell it at a craft show or hang it on your wall. So you put it in a box and shove it in a closet.

Most writers probably start out as hobbyists, myself included. I guess the thing that bothers me is how everyone equates “real” writing with getting published. When people ask me what I do for a living and I tell them, the first thing they say is, “Oh, really! Have you been published?” And I want to say, “Yeah, about a million times – have you seen that billboard on U.S. 131 about banking at UNC bank? That’s mine!”

Of course, blogging and MySpace type sites have created a whole new wave of writers, but that’s worth its own discussion some other time. My only mission today was to explain my last posting a little more.

And now I’m off to California for another writing job – one that won’t get published but will pay well. Adios.

Quitchyerbellyachin’

2006-04-03T12:06:00.000-07:00

I’ve checked out some other writers’ blogs and I see a lot of people sitting around bellyaching about not “getting published.” Well, what the hell is that all about? If you want to be a writer, get out there and do it!

To me, writing is not the thrill of seeing my name in print, or the hope of becoming famous some day, or having my words live on in posterity. It’s about making the house payment. I mean, if you’re going to go through all the agony and ecstasy of writing, don’t you want to get paid for it?

Because even if you do “get published,” or even write a book, it’s pretty hard to make a living at that kind of writing. If you really want to earn an income as a writer, you have to go where the money is. And you won’t find it in literary magazines.

Today there are more opportunities than ever for freelance writers – the web, PR and ad agencies, corporate communications and marketing departments, newsletters, newspapers, regional magazines, non-profits organizations, even radio stations.

Writing for others can improve your own writing, too. Working on features for newspapers or magazines helps you hone your editing and dialogue skills for short stories and novels. Want to write screenplays? Try doing a thirty-second TV spot. It’s the same thing, only shorter.

Of course, the problem is, once you start earning a living as a writer, sometimes it’s hard to find the time, or desire, to get back to the stuff you really want to do. That’s kind of what happened to me. After sitting at a computer all day, it’s the last place I want to be when I’m not working.

It’s like I asked a young gal who’s a medical researcher but says she wants to try writing: Do you want to be a writer or just write as a hobby? There’s a big difference.

The really lucky people are those who have somebody else supporting them while they pursue their writing. They’re the ones I’m a little jealous of.

I keep saying, when I move into the retirement home, I’ll finally get to do the kind of writing I’ve always wanted to do but nobody would pay me to do: Personal Essays. I mean, who’s gonna pay me to write a thing on how jet skis contribute to noise pollution on our lake or what a wonderful little community radio station WYCE is?

So I continue to write newsletters, brochures, web profiles and all the rest to keep food on my table and the wolf from my door.

(Note: In the near future I’ll be writing more specifically about the pros and cons of each of the for-profit writing opportunities mentioned above. So if you’re interested, stay tuned.)

Good Book: “The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio”

2006-03-27T15:24:00.000-08:00

“The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio, How My Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less,” by Terry Ryan, is not only a great book for writers, it’s a great book for anyone.*

It’s the amazing story of Evelyn Ryan, a 1950’s mother of 10, who supplemented the family’s meager income ($90 a week from her alcoholic husband) by entering and winning the many write-in contests they used to hold back then. Things like, “Finish the last line of this poem:"

The time of your life, you can win
With Dr Pepper, the flavor that’s in.
It’s distinctive and bright
It’s lively and light
There’s no time like NOW to begin! (Evelyn’s line)

Evelyn would enter these contests – and win them – constantly! She’d send in multiple entries using every possible form of her own name and sometimes her kids’ names, too. Once her 16-year old son got a phone call from some big company telling him he’d just won a brand new bike.

She also wrote little poems for the local newspaper, for which she was paid a dollar or two. But can you imagine raising 10 kids (all of whom wore glasses) on that? And of course, something was always breaking – like the dryer. She’d win an appliance and six months later it would be worn out from all the use.

But Evelyn never seemed to wear out. In fact, she lived to age 85. (Her daughter, Terry, the author and a writer herself, found all her mom’s notebooks in a trunk, which prompted her to write this book.) Terry says she never once remembers her mother sitting down at a family meal. The kids ate in shifts, the oldest five in the dining room, the youngest in the kitchen.

Anyway, this book is a great read from many perspectives – growing up in the ‘50s, living in a big family, etc. -- but if you’re a writer, it’s especially inspirational. Talk about dedication, this woman was a writing machine. Indomitable, industrious, tenacious, she never gave up. She'd just stand at her ironing board with a spiral notebook at her side, writing and writing -- and entering and winning -- hundreds of contests held by companies like Beechnut Gum, JC Penny, and Burma Shave.

Quite frankly, I don’t know how some of her entries won, they seem so bad by today’s standards. But the incredible thing is how often she did win and how she just kept at it and at it, day after day, year after year, the whole time her kids were growing up. And how often she miraculously came up with a win just in the nick of time!

Here’s another typical entry where she had to write the last line of a something a company had started (their lines are in bold; Evelyn’s are in italics.)

People who like people sometimes fail, wooing—
They fail to use Dial before billing and cooing.

And here’s one of her poems:

But Excuse Us

Folks endowed with
Luck, or virtue,
Get the tissue
To the kerchoo.

Anyway, if you want to read a good story about a writer, get this book—I found it randomly at the library.

*I just heard from my daugher that there was a movie made from it -- same title -- in 2005; I have no idea what it was like (Julianne Moore starred in it) but I must rent it.

In your dreams.

2006-03-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

Thursday, March 16, 4 a.m.
As a follow-up to my vacation posting, let me just add that whenever I’m under a lost of stress like that, it almost always comes out in my dreams. Just now, I woke up from this: I was at a big PR party and my client had won top honors at some event. But they needed a document I had brought with me in the pocket of my coat. So I had to sort through the piles of coats to find mine and retrieve this piece of paper. When I finally come up with it, my client was so happy he kissed me!

Now, my dreams are never far-out crazy, they’re always pretty normal. So much so, in fact, that I sometimes have to stop and think: Was a dream or did it really happen? And the symbolism is so obvious it’s ridiculous!

In this case, I had been packing the night before and trying to decide what coat to bring with me. And the (real) awards project I had been working on was put on hold, but only after I had 3 hours into it and had printed out 75 pages of backup material!

So, it doesn’t take a whole lot of psychological digging to interpret my dreams. I just think it’s kind of interesting how your mind deals with stress.

By the way, I did get all my jobs done (and then some), and now I cannot WAIT to get on that plane at 6:00 p.m. Adios.

Going on vacation

2006-03-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

Remember last time when I was blathering on about all the things I love about my job?
Well, here’s the flip side. It’s Sunday night (March 12) and I’m exhausted. I worked from 8:30 to 2:00 today because on Thursday we’re leaving for a 9-day vacation in northern California, which we really need.

It’s now 8:50 p.m. and I still have to drive my mother home. (She comes for dinner almost every week and at the moment is watching the tail end of a Pistons game.) It’s a 36-mile round trip and I’m sure I’ll have to hear her ask 20 more times why I have to go so far away. “Why can’t you just go to Grand Haven?” she always says.

Before we leave, I have to:

Get all my jobs done:

Put together the client PR award entry for the American Business Awards (6 hours at least). This is a job I took to help out a colleague who assisted me in the same position a few months ago. Paybacks are indeed a bitch.
Write up and send in Week 8 updates for TBN testimonials (10 people).
Interview same 10 people for Week 9 & 10 updates.
Transcribe tape, write up and send in above testimonials (due when I’m gone).
Follow up on HCI bio.
Get revised copy to Mark for TQ ads.
F/U with new client about interviewing one of her clients before I leave for an ad they need when I return.
Write story on Russia and turn in.
F/U with contact on new RB story, due 4/4.
Send D. a list of ideas for “reinvigorating” RB website.
Email same editor one story and 2 new story ideas, all of which, praise Jesus, I have done.
Write up/send in 2 new weight loss testimonials and/or tell J that we don’t have photos for the 3/31 testimonials and ask her to extend deadline.
Email travel editor at GRP and ask her if she might be interested in a story on northern California. (Fat chance)
Post my blog (this) which I try to do every Monday come hell or high water.
Deal with the 49 emails sitting in my inbox.
Make plane reservations for my 4/8 California trip (for work).

Get ready for the trip:

Take all the pictures off the walls and move furniture for the painter who’s going to be here while we’re gone.
Pack, cancel mail, paper, etc. etc.
Make hotel reservations for at least part of our trip.
Let nephew Tim know we will be staying with him Sat. night for sure.

Jesus, Mary and holy St. Joseph, get me thru this without having a heart failure. (I was having panic attacks trying to get to sleep last night.)

On Monday night we’re supposed to go to a family birthday celebration and on Tues. night to a friend's house for freshly caught grouper, flash frozen and flown home from Bahamas. (The timing's not great, but how could we resist?!)

Can I do it? Yes, I can do it. But at what price? It’s like Brenna says, “Sometimes you have to work so hard to go on vacation, it’s almost not worth it.” That’s kind of where I am right now.

And then you get home and you have to jump right back in without skipping a beat because unlike working at a company, nobody takes your calls when you’re gone. Nobody pays you for the time off, either, and nobody really understands why you’re so stressed out before and after you go.

It’s not always like this when we try to get away -- I'm unbelievably busy right now -- but you never know. That’s just the nature of the game.

Regardless, I have to admit I’m always glad when I finally do get on a plane. But then, within a week of coming home, you’re so immersed in work again that you’ve forgotten you were even gone!

I don’t know, maybe B’s right. Is it worth it?

Things I love about my job.

2006-03-06T10:40:00.000-08:00

This morning (Feb. 28) there was a beautiful sunrise at about 6:30 – yellows, reds, purples, pinks. You could tell it was going to be a gorgeous day. I said to Art, “I’d love to go skiing this morning before work…”

The more I thought about it – and the higher the sun rose – the more I wanted to do it. It was only about 15 degrees out, but perfect cross country ski conditions – a couple inches of snow, no wind, brisk, and bright.

So I came down to my office, wrote a few emails, made some phone calls, got on my skis and headed out the door. By 8:00 I was standing in the sunshine looking around the lake. It was heaven.

That experience signifies for me the two main things I love about my job: 1) I get to work from home, and 2) I’m on my own schedule. If I want to start work at 6:00 a.m. and quit at 2:00, I do. In fact, today at 4:00, we’re meeting some friends down at the B.O.B. for a Fat Tuesday party. When things like that come up, I don’t have to ask my boss if it’s ok. I just have to ask myself – and it almost always is.

I get to work with a lot of fun, interesting people. Advertising people are some of the most fun people around. They’re smart, they’re funny, they’re quick, they’re creative. Working with people who make me laugh is something I value a lot. In fact, what I missed most when I started freelancing were my fellow creatives at the ad agency.

I get to learn about some interesting things. People assume that working on newsletters is boring, but I learn all kinds of things writing them. Here’s one example: I was interviewing some guys about a men’s choir they were in – the oldest continuously run male choir in the U.S. So I was telling Art about it later, and I said, “This sounds like something you’d like—you should check it out.” Well, he did, and he’s been with the Schubert Male Chorus – and loving it – ever since.

I get to interview some fascinating people, some of whom I would probably never in a million years get to know otherwise: ex-prisoners, hot shot designers, CEOs, people with various disabilities, scientists, artists, etc. The most interesting character I ever interviewed was a guy named Ivan Jenson (for the Goodwill newsletter.) Check him out on the web sometime at www.ivanjenson.com. Incredible story. But more about that later.

I get to write every day. I love the process of writing – taking a bunch of “stuff” and turning it into something that’s readable and good. It’s fun and it’s a challenge, and I get to do it every single day.

I earn a decent income. I average about $56,000 a year, which is not bad for 25 hours a week and a couple of vacations thrown in along the way.

I get to travel a lot. I’ve been to Hawaii, New York, Washington State, Idaho, Florida, West Virginia, and California, all on assignments that were completely paid for. I love seeing new places, and my job has shown me many.

All in all, I’d say the things I love about my job can be alliteratively summarized in three words: freedom, flexibility and fun. Now how many people around do you know who can say that?

A day in the life…February 20, 2006

2006-02-27T11:41:00.000-08:00

I think my friends and relatives sometimes wonder what I do here in my basement all day. In fact, one of them actually said to me, “I bet you just sit around drinking wine …” What?! Who the hell does he think I am, Ernest Hemingway!?

To dispel any of those notions, I kept track of my day yesterday – pretty typical. Here’s how it went.

Morning

7:45 – 8:30: Brainstorm on headlines/ideas for recruitment ad series for TQ.

8:35 – 9:00: Go through e-mails; write to K. re: photo to go with Jr. NBA basketball story; write to TDs to ask (beg) for approval on their story, which was due back to me last Friday.

9:00 – 10:15: Call four or five weight loss people and interview them for next week’s update.*

10:15 – 10:35: Deal with photo shoot crisis: Michelle in Iowa (featured person in magazine spread) sent me a slightly panicky e-mail saying she hasn’t heard from anyone about the shoot and needs to confirm that it’s happening or else reschedule; she has 3 kids and babysitting issues. I know rescheduling is not an option, so I track down Andy (photographer) who thought the art director had contacted her re: time, details, etc. He’s planning on the shoot for sure – wants me to ask her if she can arrange to have some photos taken at Y, where she works out. I e-mail her back, apologizing for mix-up, tell her the shoot is on, and I’ll call her later with details.

10:35 – 10:45: Deal with more e-mails – send Lindsey copy of Jr. NBA story for another story she’s working on about it. Get reply from Troy (designer) to my earlier e-mail to him about working on a new project. He says thanks, but he can’t take on anything else right now. E-mail Mark to see if he’s interested.

10:45 – noon: Work on AC’s newsletter. Thank God, things are going MUCH more smoothly on this one versus the hellish situation we had last time. (See Proofreading.)

Afternoon

Noon – 1:00: Listen to Terry Gross, eat, go cross country skiing.

1:05 - 1:15: Get organized for afternoon; call Michelle back and leave her a message based on more info received from Andy re arrival time, etc.…

1:15 - 2:30: Edit heads/write sample copy for sample recruitment ad for TQ; send to client. Clean up/send in copy on Jr. NBA basketball story.

2:30: Call 96-year old mother (who still lives at home) to make sure all is well with her. Praise Jesus, it is, though for some reason, she thinks today is Saturday.

2:35: Go upstairs and do laundry. Give living room wall another coat of paint. (The 4th sample I’ve tried in an attempt to find a color I like.)

2:45 – 3:15: Start calls on new weight loss testimonials. Talk to a woman who lost 85 pounds on the TLS program – turns out she has an amazing story. (She was about to have stomach reduction surgery and thought she’d give the program a try first. It worked, and she’s kept the weight off for more than a year.)

3:15 – 3:30: Go upstairs to check paint and try to decide if I can live in a room that looks more blue than the Silver Sage it’s supposed to be. Realize I hate blue.

3:35: Come back down and check e-mails; e-mail Brenna and ask if her Silver Sage walls look green or blue.

3:40: Receive e-mail from TDs saying they “definitely have changes to the story…” damn…and that they will get back to me “in the next couple days.” Right…

4:00: Finish up loose ends, answer outstanding e-mails, etc.

4:15: Go upstairs for good. Get and go through mail, figure out what to have for dinner, plop down to read the newspaper.

5:15: Receive call from Michelle asking what she can expect during shoot – how long it will last, whether kids will be in it, etc. I fill her in, call Andy and ask him to please give her a call the next day to reassure her. He says he will.

The End.

*I do a lot of weight loss testimonials for magazines, newsletters, etc. One of my current jobs is making calls to 10 people who are in a 12-week program, talk to them about how they’re doing, and post their weekly comments on a website. Weight loss: It’s what America is all about these days.

Things I hate about my job

2006-02-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

Being a pest. I can’t tell you how much time I spend bugging people – e-mailing, calling, leaving voice-mails – continually trying to schedule interviews, follow up on things I’ve sent or I’m waiting for, get approvals, etc. The struggle is constant. Then again, it could be worse. I just heard a woman named Jackie Spinner on NPR who lived in Iraq for 13 months while reporting for the Washington Post. Now she had a struggle. I must remember that next time I’m feeling sorry for myself.

No-shows. Here is a great example of something that happens more often than you’d think. On Thursday I got a quick turnaround job that was due the following Thursday. I had to interview a guy for the story and wanted to set it up early the next week to give myself some time to work on it before the deadline. Monday was already full with other interviews and meetings all day, so I had e-mailed him saying, “Would you be available to talk next Tues. around 2-2:30? Or possibly Monday at 11:00 a.m.? If not, maybe you could give me a day/time that you're available and I’ll try to work around it…”

He e-mailed me back: “Let’s meet Monday at 2:30…” Well, I thought maybe he misread my e-mail, but rather than point that out, I decided to let it go and just assumed that was the only time he was available. So I juggled my schedule a little because he’s a very busy guy and I wanted to get him when I could.

I managed to show up at 2:30 on Monday, and when I arrived, his assistant tells me not only is he not there, he’s not even in the office that day! So on Tues. I get an e-mail from him apologizing for the mix-up, saying he had meant to write “Tuesday,” in his e-mail (and that’s what he put on his calendar) but wrote Monday by mistake! I guess I should have questioned it. And the bad news was that now he couldn’t together till Wednesday at 3. But, of course, my copy was still due end of day on Thursday, and am I gonna write my editor and tell her that big ol’ tale of woe? No, I am not. (Note: when I did finally meet with him, he rather lightheartedly told me he’d been skiing with his kids on Monday…Grrrrr.)

Concepting. I used to like doing this, but continually coming up with “fresh” new ideas is hard. People always say, “We want an ad headline that will really grab the reader’s attention.” I want to say back to them, “How about this one: ‘READ THIS F-ING AD OR I’LL KILL YOU.’ Think that’d get their attention?”

Time sheets. It’s not easy keeping track of every moment you spend working on every job. For instance, last night in an effort to get to sleep, I started thinking about a brochure I’m writing. I spent about an hour on it (and actually came up with a good idea) but I feel kind of guilty about putting that down on the time sheet. So I usually don’t.

The other thing that’s hard is that I’ll be in the middle of one job, and somebody sends an “urgent” e-mail about some little thing that “has” to be done asap on another job, so I stop what I’m doing to deal with the emergency, then before you know it, a half hour is gone and needs to be recorded. Kind of annoying.

Invoicing. I really don’t mind doing invoices (nice to see what my hard work earns); it’s the math I hate. All those little quarter hours that have to be added up: .25, .50, .75, 1.5, 2.5, etc. etc, It’s excruciating for someone like me who hates dealing with such an exact science. And I’m always making mistakes! Just today I got an e-mail from a gal who said, “Keasha, are you sure your invoice amount is $2398.75? I get $2388.75 when I add it up.” She was totally right! I had inadvertently written $887.50 for one of the projects that should have been $877.50, so the final tally was off by $10. Thank God the people who hire me are not the same people process the invoices or I’d probably never work again.

Meetings. Corporate people have no idea what they’re asking of freelancers when they invite us to meetings. Easy for them, they’re right in the building, probably happy to be away from their desks for an hour. But for us, a ten o’clock will kill an entire morning. First, you have to take a shower, then find something to wear, get dressed, fix your hair, put on your makeup, gather the files, pray there’s gas in the car and then drive 20 or 30 miles to get there! Geez. Haven’t they ever heard of conference calling? (Preferably the kind without the videocam.)

Those are the only things I hate about my job that I can think of at the moment. But I’m sure there are others, so stay tuned.

Busted

2006-02-13T16:04:00.000-08:00

Here is something almost all writers find out the hard way: Don’t put anything in print that you may regret later: things about family and friends they might not want made public; things that might not be true; things that might hurt the feelings of someone you care about, or get them in trouble.

Truman Capote found that out with “Answered Prayers,” his very thinly disguised roman a clef about all his high profile friends. After it came out as excerpts in Esquire (it never actually made it to the book stage) every single one of his pals turned against him. As one said, “I took a cleaver and chopped him out of my life.”

And who could blame them? He completely betrayed their confidences, exploited their friendships and disregarded their feelings, all for the sake of a good story. But didn’t his friendships mean more to him than that? Apparently not. (After seeing the movie, “Capote” this weekend, I understand a little more about that—great flick, by the way.)

Anyway, I’ve done some similar things myself, to a lesser degree. For instance, I once wrote a story in the GR Press about using fabric in unusual ways in your house -- covering old tables, as window dressing, etc. And I used my sister-in-law Mary as an example. She’s an artist and incredibly creative with different kinds of materials. But after the story came out, somebody said to my brother, “What, are you too cheap to buy drapes, your wife has to hang her aunt’s old bedspreads on your windows?” Needless to say, that didn’t set too well with my brother.

And in my Blog about Reading and Writing I mentioned my friend, Bill, implying that he was a great writer, but wasn’t a big reader. Later in that same piece, I also said his brother Dick hadn’t returned a book I lent him, stating that he apparently was a reader, but not a returner.

So last week I was having dinner with brothers Bill and Dick and I said, “Oh, I have to tell you guys about something…” and was going to tell them about my Blog and the fact that I’d mentioned them in it, hoping that it would be ok. As I started to talk, Bill said, “Oh, yeah, I heard about what you said about me, thanks a lot!” Or something like that. Then he turned to his brother and said, “She said something about you, too!” and Dick said, “What did you say about me?”

My first reaction to Bill was, “How did you even know about the Blog?” and I’ll get to that in a minute, but as it turns out, neither statement I made about either of them was correct! First, Bill IS a big reader, and second, Dick never even borrowed my book to begin with!

But the worst thing was that I got busted before I even had a chance to tell them about it. (The way Bill found out about it was that in that same piece, I also mentioned his friend, Bob Tarte’s book, "Enslaved by Ducks.” Apparently, every once in awhile Bob Googles his book to see if there are any reviews on it or whatever, and my Blog came up.)

Bill and Dick were good sports about the whole thing—it was pretty funny–but I told them I’d apologize in my very next Blog, which is what I’m doing now.

And in the meantime, speaking of getting busted, there was a big uproar this weekend in East Grand Rapids about some high school kids getting caught for what they put on their Blogs about partying—one of the parents saw it and now there’s a bunch of students who have been suspended for drinking, which is a whole ‘nother story, one I have no desire get into.

The point is: don’t write anything you’re going to regret later – even in your Blog.

Death Fantasies

2006-02-06T06:18:00.001-08:00

My daughter Brenna is working on a writing project right now to help someone out (she’s in grad school) and she’s experiencing something I’ve gone through many times in the past: death fantasies. It goes something like this:

You’re offered a project that looks like it might be hard. You take it anyway. You get into it and realize it is IMPOSSIBLE! You don’t have enough information, you have no idea what you’re talking about, and you feel more lost and confused with each step. Every day begins with this problem and every night it’s there haunting you. But you HAVE to keep going and get it done.

That’s when I start having death fantasies:

I’m walking down the basement stairs to my office and a man jumps out from the dark hallway, grabs me and strangles me.
I’m going out to get the mail and I suddenly trip, fall down the steps and bang my head on the sidewalk, resulting in a coma from which I never awake.
I’m approaching the traffic light and as I go through the intersection, a giant truck runs a red light and crashes into me, killing me instantly.

I’m sorry to see that Brenna is now doing the same thing I used to do; I must remember to tell her to find another way of coping.

What I’ve learned over the years is to just not take the damn job in the first place. For example, I drove all the way out to Muskegon one day to talk to a potential client at Brunswick about a writing project they had. I didn’t know anything about it, and when I got there, the lady explained to me what it was: Writing (the very first) instruction manual for machinery that cleans bowling alleys.

After she finished telling me all about it, I looked at her and without hesitation said, “I’m sorry, but I am not the right person for this project…” What I wanted to say was, “A bowling alley cleaning machine instruction manual? I’d rather be tied down in the desert with fire ants!”

I knew this was one of those things that would eventually bring on the death fantasies, and quite frankly, I’m getting a little to old for that. Or maybe just too close to the real thing. Actually, the truth is I’ve reached the point that I don’t have to take on those jobs anymore – and that is the most life-affirming thing of all.

Get to know your toolbars.

2006-01-30T05:47:00.000-08:00

If you’re a writer and haven’t done this, you should: Go through all the Toolbars in your computer and learn about the ones that might come in handy. It’ll take a few minutes, but it’s worth it in the long run because there are things in there you may not be aware of that can save you lots of time, hassles and steps later on. For example:

Clipboard. One of my favorite tools, Office Clipboard (under Edit in Word) will hold up to 24 chunks of copy that you can then move individually – or altogether – wherever you want them. So let’s say you’re working on a long story with lots of quotes and you want to change the quotes around, moving one to the front, one to the end, a couple into the middle, etc. You just copy and paste each chunk into Clipboard and it’ll hold it for you till you tell it where to put it. Then position your cursor in the right spot and click on the box holding that chunk of copy, and in it goes. Or if you want to move the entire batch, click on “Paste All” and it’ll dump in all the chunks at once.

Clipboard is great when you want to move items around on a list, too. It also works between documents, so you can move items from one to the other. When you do go from one doc to another, Clipboard may hide, but the icon will be in the lower right hand corner, sitting quietly like a faithful servant, waiting for you to bring it back to life and put it to work.

One word of caution: Be careful that you don’t hit “Clear Clipboard” by mistake because it erases everything in there and you have to start the process all over again. (That’s why I always use "copy" instead of “cut” so if I ever do that, I won’t lose anything.)

Customizing your toolbar menu is another good idea. For example, I have the "Insert" icon on my menu board, which saves me tons of time. Instead of having to click on the “Insert" button and scrolling down to "File" every time I want to insert a file someplace, which I often do, I just click on the icon and it’ll automatically ask me what file I want to put in. (Just make sure when you use it that your cursor is where you want the file to go.)

Word Count is something else I have on my menu bar and use frequently because so many of my jobs are dictated by maximum length: 500 words, 1500 words, whatever. So as I’m rolling along, I’ll click on “Word Count” every once in awhile just to see how I’m doing. Only 100 more words to go? Great! 500 words over? Dang!

I also have the “Save As” button on my menu because I use that function a lot, too. Mostly because I often work with templates and need to save files under different names every time. I also get a lot of edited documents via email and if I make the wretched mistake of hitting “Save” instead of “Save As” after making or accepting the changes, it’ll put the document into some obscure folder that I can never in a million years find again. Has that ever happened to you? It is such a pain!*

So perhaps these tips will make your life a little easier in the future. God knows you’re going need all the help you can get.

*My son-in-law John gave me a great hint for finding files like that if you do lose them that way: Go back to the original email that had the doc attached, open the document, and hit “Save As” and it’ll open the folder where it saved it originally, so you can see where it is. After that, you’re on your own because I can’t remember what you do next!

Vernacularian Slips

2006-01-23T06:04:00.000-08:00

Writers love language, and we notice things about it that others might not. For example, see if you can pick out a pattern here:

My husband called someone to tell him about a friend who had died and said, “I just wanted to pass on some information to you…”

We were discussing radio stations and somebody said, “I am so out of tune with what’s going on with music right now…”

A guy was talking about accidentally getting locked out of a basketball game and said, “I was outside bouncing around trying to keep warm.”

A friend was having some problems with a root canal and I said, “Oh, man, what a bite…”

A woman explaining her bad mood said she had PMS and just wanted to “go with the flow…”

We were talking about what kind of phones to order and somebody said, “Well, let’s not get hung up on it.”

A hospital spokesman was asked about a press release for their new maternity wing and said, “It’s a little too premature to announce anything…”

Get the drift?

Death…pass on
Music…In tune
Basketball…bounce
Teeth…bite
PMS…flow
Phone…hung up
Pregnancy…premature

It’s all about people unconsciously slipping into the vernacular of whatever it is they’re talking about. So I call them “Vernacularian Slips.” Not quite the same thing as a pun, they’re a little like Freudian slips, only their name is much more difficult to pronounce.

Now that you know about Vernacularian Slips, you’ll hear them all over the place. In fact, I was just telling somebody about it recently, and the very next day he e-mailed me one he’d heard while having lunch with a friend: “The guy said, ‘This sandwich just doesn’t cut the mustard…’”

See what I mean?

Reading & Writing

2006-01-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

I don’t know too many writers who are not big readers. Well, I do know one, Bill H., one of my favorite Writers’ Group members. But then, Bill just had a letter published in the NY Times Book Review, so maybe he reads more than he admits.

Myself, I read mostly non-fiction – biographies, memoirs, travel, etc. – almost all of which come from the library. I did, however, recently buy “The Orchid Thief” after a very funny presentation Susan Orlean gave about it at our local botanic garden. I went to see her because I loved the movie “Adaptation” and was curious about her. Could she possibly have done all those things Meryl Streep did in that movie?? (Answer: No.)

After reading “The Orchid Thief,” I wanted more of Susan Orlean, so I went to the library and found a travel book she’d written. I also got a book called, “Assembling My Father,” by a young Jewish woman (Anna something Oliver) who’d been raised as a fundamentalist Christian in New Mexico by her former NY intellectual mother after her father committed suicide at age 35. It was excellent! And, get this: As I was reading her Forward and seeing all the people she thanked, guess who one of them was: Susan Orlean! Isn’t that a weird coincidence?! Those were the only two books I got out of the library that night.

I find that one book often opens the door to others. In fact, I went through the entire Algonquin Round Table (a group of smart, witty ‘20s writers) reading one biography after another because I’d hear all these wonderful stories about these interesting characters and wanted to learn more about them: Robert Benchley, Dorothy Parker, George S. Kaufman, the Marx brothers, etc. It opened up a whole new world of literature to me, and some of the funniest lines ever written. (My husband’s favorite Dorothy Parker poem: “Martinis, martinis, the drink I love the most. One, I’m under the table, two, I’m under the host.”)

Reading has not only introduced me to great people and great writing, it’s taken me all over the globe – I’ve sailed the Atlantic with Wm. F. Buckley, rounded Cape Horn with a father and son, kayaked down the Amazon with two modern-day adventurers, gotten lost in the Alaskan wilderness, climbed mountains, made daring escapes with Chinese slaves, and laughed my head off exploring various continents with Bill Bryson.

I just finished reading Gene Wilder’s biography and that was fun, too. I had no idea he was the one who wrote “Young Frankenstein;” I always thought it was Mel Brooks.

I also love reading what famous writers have to say about writing – Stephen King’s book on it is great – a quick but fact-packed read. I’d quote from it here, but I lent it to someone and never got it back. In fact, I think it was Bill’s brother, Dick, who IS a big reader, but apparently, not a big returner.

Speaking again of Bill and books, his friend, Bob Tarte, wrote a book called, “Enslaved by Ducks” in 2004, a very humorous life experience romp, which gained some notoriety regionally and Patricia Heaton (“Everybody Loved Raymond”) is even talking to him about purchasing the rights for a TV series.

Anyway, my point in all this is just to say, If you want to be a writer, you really oughta start reading. And keep track of the books you read. That’s something I should have done but didn’t and now regret it.

Proofing - aarrrgggghhhhh.

2006-01-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

The worst thing just happened to me: I got an email from one of my best clients telling me there was a typo in the first paragraph of the newsletter pdf I'd sent him. It hadn't gone to print yet, THANK GOD, but, still, it's so bad when that happens. And he didn't find it, his BOSS did. And to make it even more awful, the typo was in the sentence: "Our focus is always on quality." The IS was missing! Ohmygod, can you imagine? I want to die when that stuff happens.

And this wasn't the first time it's happened with this client. Which kills me because I love doing their newsletter. It's a business-to-business pub, and it's really important that everything be perfect because they truly are a quality-focused company. They do contract manufacturing for some of the biggest and best corporations in the U.S. so everything has to be right.

Like many writers, I am terrible at proofing. In this case, I offered to deduct an hour of my time and to find a proofreader for the future newsletters. But is that enough? No. Because what if the newsletter had gone out with that mistake and one of their current or prospective customers saw it and said, "They focus on quality? Well, then how the hell did they screw up here?"

I hope this isn't an indication of what the rest of my day is going to be like.

2006-01-03T03:33:00.000-08:00

The Playboy story.

On St. Patrick’s Day, 1972, my then-husband, Tim and I were standing in the Frolic Bar celebrating with a bunch of people when a friend of ours, Nancy Muir, came up to me and said, "Keasha, I saw your letter in Playboy! That was so cool!" And I thought, "What?? What letter?" I had completely forgotten that I written them a letter in December about an interview they ran with Germaine Greer, a leading British feminist, who was notoriously outspoken. Tim turned to me and said, "Wasn't there something kind of negative about me in that letter?" I thought, "Uh-oh. What did I say in that letter?"

We both took off in separate directions to find a drug store and buy the magazine.

What the letter said was this:

“Because of her foul mouth, my husband immediate classified Germaine Greer as another he-woman and refused to read your excellent interview. Hopefully, his negative reaction was not typical, but I have the feeling it may have been. Miss Greer’s philosophy was pragmatic and her ideals were certainly feasible, but because of her unabridged vocabulary, I probably won’t be the only one trying to convince a stubborn male that she’s not out to castrate him. And I’ve got a long way to go, baby.”

(Note: for those too young to remember, that last line was a play on “You’ve come a long way, baby…” which originated with a cigarette campaign (!) and caught on during the feminist movement of the ‘70s.)

The reason I always refer to this incident as “the beginning of the end of my marriage” (see “How I got into Writing”) was that it was kind of an awakening for me about the differences between Tim and me. It took another seven years, but eventually, we did get divorced.

The other thing that letter did for me was reinforce the idea in my head that maybe I could write. (If Playboy published my letter, I must be good!) So it definitely played an important role in my becoming a writer. And, obviously, other parts of my life as well.

"How did you ever get started in writing?"

2005-12-27T03:06:00.000-08:00

People always ask me how I got started in writing, and I never have enough time to tell them the whole story. But now I do, so here it is.

How I became a writer

In the mid-70’s I was in my 20’s, working for Blue Cross and Blue Shield. At that time, I was a big letter writer, mostly because I was a big reader. I’d read something that affected me one way or another, and I’d want to express my feelings to the author. I wrote to John Irving after reading an excerpt from “The World According to Garp” in Esquire magazine (to tell him about a similar experience I’d had) and got a really nice letter back from him. He even said something about how well-written my letter was. I wrote to Phil Donahue (a fan letter of sorts) and got a hand-written letter back from him. I also got one back from Barbara Walters and some other people I had written to.

I wrote a few letters to magazines that got published, too. The first one was in Playboy (which was also the beginning of the end of my first marriage; another story). Shortly after that, I had letters published in Esquire, People (twice), and MS. It wasn't that I was constantly writing letters to magazines, but almost every time I did, it got published. And once I wrote a letter to Kellogg’s about a burnt Frosted Flake that had chipped my tooth. A claims guy came to see me (with a check for $300) and said, “I figured you were either a professional claimant or a darn good letter writer.”

In 1978, I met a guy named Joel Clark, who was a writer for “Wonderland” magazine at the Grand Rapids Press, which was a kind of local version of Parade, with features, profiles, etc.

I was telling Joel about how much fun I was having writing letters to people and what a great hobby it was. Joel said to me, "Hey, that might be a good article in Wonderland. Do you want to write something up?" Needless to say, I jumped at the chance. I was so excited about the idea of writing a real article!

So my letter-writing article got published, and it was very well received. Joel, on the other hand, was killed in a car crash, but I ended up getting a weekly column in Wonderland. That lasted about a year; then the Press discontinued that pub.

By 1979, my marriage was also being discontinued; I moved out of the house in May. The previous Christmas, I had gotten my first subscription to Writer’s Digest, and I learned about their annual Writing Contest. So I entered it (at the last possible moment) with a piece called, “How to Get Through a Divorce Without Going Crazy,” and won first place in the non-fiction category. I was thrilled. I couldn’t believe it! My prize was an electric typewriter.

After the divorce, I started a Go-Fer business for ad agencies (another long story). It was sort of an errand/delivery service, where I’d run props around, pick up talent, etc. One day, Dave Kagan, who was a partner at the Johnson & Dean ad agency, and who had been reading my columns in Wonderland, said to me, "Have you ever thought about becoming a copywriter? Because we're looking for one and I think you might be good at it." Well, I tried out and got the job. That's how I got into advertising.

While I was at J&D, some of us decided to form a Writer’s Group as an outlet for writing our own stuff, as opposed to the stuff we had to write. We met every Thursday and it was a great learning experience – we had to bring something every week to read and have critiqued. I look back on that now and think, How the hell did we do that?! We were so prolific!

Writer’s Group lasted for several years, but my job at Johnson & Dean ended after about two. It was very fun, but my kids, Jamie and Brenna, were only six and four, so after Art and I got married, I quit.

In the early ‘80s, a little magazine came out locally called Metropolitan Parent. I sent some of my stuff in to them, mostly from Writer’s Group, and I’ll never forget the call I got afterwards. It was a Saturday morning in the summertime. For some reason, I was sleeping in the top bunk in Brenna’s room, and the phone rang, very early. I picked it up and heard this voice say, “Is this Keasha Palmer? This is Mary Sorensen, the editor of Metropolitan Parent magazine, and I just had to call to tell you I love your stuff…”

That led to a monthly column in Metropolitan Parent, which was really great because I could write about anything I wanted to. Plus, a lot of people read that magazine—it was in doctors' offices throughout West Michigan. I'd get calls from old boyfriends saying, "I saw your article in Metropolitan Parent…" Although I only very sporadically made $25 here and there, it was by far my favorite writing job of all time. My god, I was a magazine columnist!!

I wrote for MP for about three years, till they were purchased by Grand Rapids Magazine, and also started freelancing for some ad agencies and doing more articles for the G.R. Press. Then, in 1986, Art’s business went bankrupt, so I went to work at Sefton, an agency where I stayed till 1995. After leaving Sefton, I started freelancing again and have been sitting in my basement ever since. And every day, I say, “Thank you, Jesus, that I will never have to put on another freaking pair of pantyhose as long as I live.”